Clara's World
by ClaraTheImpossible
Summary: Clara falls into a depression, a bit disturbing and possibly triggering. Smut and whouffle to follow. Rated M for a reason
1. Chapter 1

**Clara**

I remember the time when a pencil sharpener was for sharpening pencils and razors were just for shaving. Now I when I find one I can dismantle it in minutes and cover my skin in blood. It's the only way I can relieve the pain, the only option I have left. I've tried everything else, nothing works, nothing can help me fight this depression.

I pull a jumper on even though it's 35 degrees outside: I need it to cover the cuts. I strip my bed and take the white sheets, with black make-up smudges covering them, Dalmatian sheets, down to the washing machine. Angie sees me and comes over to me,

"Why are you wearing a jumper? It's 35 degrees for God's sake, Clara!"

"All my other clothes are in the wash," I lie. Angie can't see them, no one can. She's eating a caramel magnum, it's so tempting to get one, _no Clara, no, you fat already. _Fat, so fucking fat. Why can I never be skinny, why? I look in the mirror everyday and cry. Cry because I'm ugly, cry because I'm fat, cry because I'll never be good enough. Anyway, I've nearly broken my record, just 3 more hours, and I'll have done it, 36 hours without a single calorie. And I'm still fat.

"Clara?" Angie shakes me back to reality.

"Wha- yea, um sorry, what?" I stutter.

"Do you want an ice cream?" she asks tiresomely.

"Err, no I'm fine" I'm starving. My stomach rumbles telling me to eat, Angie raises an eyebrow. I laugh it off: that was probably the fakest laugh in history. Oh dear Lord, I'm such a failure. I stuff the sheets in the washing machine trying to distract myself from myself. I have nothing to live for. The Doctor will never love me, he has River. I saw it in his time stream, so many kisses so much love. I'm just a toy for when River is not around, I'm nothing.

I wander up the stairs almost falling into my room with hunger. Stay strong; only 2 hours left, I can do this, something I can actually be proud of. Tuesday, great, time to measure my bloody waist, I always do it on Tuesday, the day before he comes, apart from I won't be going anywhere tomorrow. I grab the tape measure and force myself to look at the number: 26 inches, God damn it. I've barely lost a thing, why does God hate me so much. I stumble over to the toilet and force myself to throw up nothing but bile. I find a blade in my make up bag, carefully hidden away from prying eyes, and draw it across my wrist. Blood rolls down my arm covering my hand and trickling onto the floor, staining the already blood stained tiles. The blood mixes with tears and running make up becoming a sludgy mess, I don't care. I collapse onto the floor trying to shut out the voices and my love for one man, who isn't actually a man: the Doctor.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: This is my first fanfic by the way, I ship whouffle all the way

**Doctor**

Clara, _Clara. _So beautiful with her little gleaming eyes, her brown hair always shining, but her eyes if you look deep into them, you can see her sadness, her insecurity. Oh don't think I haven't noticed, I see it all, I feel it all, she can't see how perfect she it, how beautiful she is, and how much she means to me. Every Wednesday after dropping her off, I'll skip straight to next Wednesday. I can't wait a week, my TARDIS is pretty good at this now, and almost as soon as she walks out she goes straight to next Wednesday. But not today, I don't know why, she doesn't want to go to Wednesday, come on you stupid thing I say pulling a few levers, it's just a Wednesday, what's wrong with that? She gives me a rumble a indignation,

"Sorry!" I chuck at her getting more stressed by the minute. Clara. She's the only thing I have on my mind. It's been getting stronger recently, in my dreams, in my mind; she's always there. Always beautiful. My impossible girl.

I give the TARDIS a kick and she springs into action.

"YES! Oh you sexy thing, come on then, Clara time!" I run down the corridor past the helter skelter and to the wardrobe, where my new bow tie was lying on top of the other clothes. The TARDIS really did have a routine going for this. Good girl.

When we land, I double check the date and see that it's Tuesday evening, oh well, close enough, she can come out for the night as well: even better. I pat the TARDIS, telling her I'll be back in a moment and wander off towards Clara's home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Clara**

"Clara?" I recognize the voice knocking at the door. _Oh please no, he can't see me like this. _

"Clara?" The Doctor calls slightly louder this time, "Angie said you were in your room, can I come in?" I want to disappear, I can't reply, I'm still lying in the bloody mess on the bathroom floor and the door leading from here into my room is wide open, he'll see as soon as he comes in.

"Clara, are you asleep? I'm coming, like it or not," he twists the door handle, but it's locked, aha Clara nice one. Then I hear the sonic screwdriver, now I'm fucked.

I can't even bring myself to move. I don't care anymore; he doesn't care for me at all. The door swings open, and The Doctor gasps as he sees me lying straight ahead of him on the bathroom floor. He shuts and locks the door behind him and runs over to me.

"Clara! What the hell have you done? Clara, speak to me!" I lift up my head, pulling some my hair out of the yuk, but collapse again. He catches my head before it hits the tiles and lays it down gently out of the mess. His hands were so strong so comforting, I wish he would never let go.

"Oh Clara, I never knew it was this bad" he picks up my wrists seeing numerous cuts and scar all the way up my arm. All I could do was cry. He lifted me up and hugged me so tightly and strongly, I have never felt safer. Do not fall into it Clara, he doesn't love you. He picks me up and carried me onto my bed, he turns back to the bathroom to tidy it, I try to speak to stop him leaving, but he doesn't hear me: I'm to quiet, to weak to even move. I smell of blood, but all I can do is sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Doctor **

Oh Clara, I'm so sorry, I never knew you were so sad. Clara, I'm so sorry I never helped you. I mop up the blood with toilet roll and flush it all down the toilets along with all the blades I can find, even the ones she wrapped up in her make up bag. It took me a while to find them all, 11 in total. The sonic was on a go slow as well, what is wrong with all my stuff today, first the TARDIS, now this, not to mention my wardrobe was a lot further away than I last remember it being in the TARDIS, it's like they don't want me to help her. Well fuck you, I love her and no one can stop me. I realize my thoughts: I love her, _I love her. _I always have done, just never been able to admit it, I smile to myself. She's sleeping so peacefully, so beautifully, oh Clara, how could you hate yourself so much. How?

I find some bandages in the cupboard under the sink and take some wet tissue to wash her cuts. I gently bandage them so not to wake her, winding them up her delicate arms, how could she do this to herself, how could she hide it so well? Not just her cuts, but also her feelings. I remove her blood-covered jumper and dump it in the sink, her tee shirt underneath seems fairly clean and so do her trackies. I lift her up cautiously and pull back the duvet, which doesn't have a cover on it, and lay her down. I kiss her in the forehead, which is hot and sweaty against my cool lips, but I don't care, she's wonderful. Kneeling beside her, I stroke her hair and stay with her for the night.

Angie comes in about an hour later asking what's going on, I just say she's not feeling to great.

"Well she got the best doctor for the case," she says winking, "Artie and I are staying at friends' houses tonight, is that ok?"

"Yep, fine," I reply,

"See ya," she wonders off shutting the door behind her. I swear I soniced that door locked. Stupid screwdriver. Oh well, Clara's safe now and that's all that matters.

The next morning, she wakes up, I get her a cup of tea and some jammy dodgers, but she doesn't eat.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Can we talk in the TARDIS, I think it might be a bit more private," I hold her hand as she makes her wobbly way outside. I sit her down on a sofa and I slump down next to her after flicking the lights on and getting a few heaters going, I always forget how cold England is.

"What's wrong" I try again holding her hands looking right into her eyes, "I need to know, Clara, I can help,"

"Don't look at me like that," that hurt, but I'm confused, "I'm such a small part of your life, only on Wednesdays, once week you see me, that's all. You have River, you love her, I saw, in you time stream, you love her,"

"Clara, me and River had something, a long time ago, but not anymore. Every Wednesday, as soon as you leave I fly to next Wednesday, I take a short cut, Clara, I love you," I breathe.

"Don't lie t-," I cut her off with a kiss, pressing my lips against her holding her round her skinny waist, she kisses me back, full of passion, full of feelings that she's been hiding for so long. Her lips are soft, but firm, just as I imagined. She slowly pulls back, tears rolling down her cheeks, "I thought, I could never be good enough," she whispers.

"Clara, you are more than good enough," I say.


	5. Chapter 5

**Clara**

He holds me, so strongly, so tightly, I feel so safe, so loved. His tongue touches my lips, licking across them, asking for entry, rather than forcing it. I allow him in exploring each other's mouths. He runs his hands up and down my body, over my breasts, his lips move along my neckline, collarbones, leaving a bite just above my right breast. He slides his hand up my shirt and undoes the clasp of my bra, I don't know how to react, I can't stop myself. He explores my body under my shirt before pulling it off. I let a moan slip as he sucks a my nipples until they are both hard. I yank off his bowtie and unbutton his shirt, running my nails down his chiseled chest his moan drives me insane. He lifts me onto the consol. His lips meet mine again as his hands move down my body over my breasts to my trackies that I had been wearing as PJs he unzips them and pulls them down off my legs discarding onto the floor. He slips his hand inside my wet black lace knickers. His thumb rubs my clit as two fingers expertly curl inside of me. Pulling off a well practiced routine, he was surprisingly well experienced, unlike how he acted. Another moan escapes my mouth as he pushes a third finger in.

I pull down his trousers and run my hands along his cock inside his boxers, this time he's the one to moan. Then he stops me.

"Clara-?" he asks,

"I'm sure," I reply before he can even finish his sentence.

"Well then," I raise an eyebrow and he grabs my hands and pulls me down a long corridor.

We the go into the most spectacular bedroom: TARDIS blue walls and a huge double bed in the centre, which he pushes me onto.

He reaches down and pulls off my panties and sucks my clit, then without warning his tongue enters me, dancing around inside, "Oh my God!" I scream, as my insides tighten. He keeps going and presses my clit, which sends me over the top, a wave of ecstasy hits me as I reach my climax. He pulls back, both breathing hard and sweating our lips meet again and I taste my own juices on his tongue.

I pull down his boxers past his knees and he kicks them off, he clambers over me.

"Clara, I can't-,"

"Please" I'm begging him, he can't stop, before I can think anything else he's inside me, pumping hard, moaning, I don't hold thrusting my hips in time with his. He's beginning to reach his climax, but he doesn't want to cum before me, he pumps harder and faster, trying to hold it in, but he can't, "CLARA!" he yells my name as he fills me inside.

Now he's pumping as hard as he can, faster than anything, no pain just pleasure, I can feel my insides tightening around him, "Ah, YES, harder, come on, yes, OH GOD YES" I cum again, breathing hard pulls out of my and sucks my clit, I'm not sure how much longer I can take of it, I nearly push him away, but I can't, I'm sensitive after my orgasm and he uses that factor,

"Cum for me Clara, cum for me again," I scream filling the entire TARDIS noise as I cum for the 3rd and last time. We collapse on the bed, sweating like pigs, he snuggles up to my and spoons me until I sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: woo I actually got some reviews and favourites (only like 2 but still) thanks all, sorry this took so long, I've been away and my wifi broke (life = over) x

Clara

"Clara? Clara?" my eyes flutter open at the sounds of the Doctors voice.  
"Wha-?" what's going on? I'm lying on one of the sofas in the console room and ew. What's the smell? Oh the smelling salts. Classic one mate.  
"What happened?" I ask  
"You passed out just after we kissed," what? But all of that? What just happened? Please say it wasn't just a dream. Oh god.  
"Are you ok?"  
"Yea, um I've been feeling kinda queezy all day," I can feel puke churning in my stomach, not an unfamiliar feeling,  
"I should probably get home," I attempt to get up,  
"Nu-uh missy, you aren't going anywhere," ugh I'm gonna puke. I manage to run outside and wretch my guts up all over tarmac pavement outside the TARDIS. The Doctor grabbed me when I collapsed onto the floor. He carried me back inside and laid me back on the sofa. I'm so confused. How could I have dreamt that. It was so real. I want to cry. Don't cry Clara. Don't be the weak bitch you always are. My head is burning up and I can feel tears in my eyes. He comes back over to the sofa carrying a mug of green tea and toast. He wipes away tear which are trickling down my face. I don't know why. I just hate everything. Most of all, myself. He strokes my forehead and just stares sadly at me. I want to grab him, kiss him, but I can barely move. Kiss me. Please. But he doesn't.

I drink most of the tea but don't touch the toast even though I haven't eaten for days.  
"When are we?" I ask, he spins round to face the console, flicks a few switches then pulls the computer screen towards him,  
"The TARDIS went onto auto pilate after you passed out, we appear be December 8th 2003, I do believe that is a Monday and you would be 14?" oh God,  
"And where are we?" I ask shakily, he stuck his head out the door, I crane my neck to see,  
"A hospital, Frimely Hospital," he recites from a sign. Oh Lordy. I need to get away from here. ASAP.  
"Home. Now," I demand,  
"Like I said, you're staying here,"  
"Please," I'm begging, tears running freely, "just get me away from here. Please,"  
"What's wrong with here? It's just an ordinary hospital,"  
"PLEASE!" I yell. I sob into my hands,  
"Can we please just leave. Now," I say through chokes a lot quieter.  
"Hey," he says coming over to me,  
"Shush, it's ok. What's so wrong?" how can he know? How can he possibly understand? I just shake my head.  
"It's ok, I've got you, you're in safe hands," leans in a pecks me lightly on the lips. I feel a sudden rush of warmth go through me. I grab his arms before he can leave and pull him in again. Only this time longer, our lips together, tongues touching. I melt in him. I pull away for breath and lean on his shoulder and hugs holds me tight. I don't want him ever to let go.


End file.
